


Sacrifice

by missbecky



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-13 22:38:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7140470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missbecky/pseuds/missbecky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A training lesson becomes all too real when Eggsy attempts to save Harry from a bomb blast.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> [Originally posted on Tumblr off an anonymous (and awesome) prompt.](http://missbeckywrites.tumblr.com/post/145531331092)
> 
>  
> 
> This fic is now translated into Russian! [You can read it here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/5106323) with many thanks to time-to-x.

The training course is not new, but it's been a long time since Harry went through it. Long enough that he's forgotten most of it. Fortunately for him, he's not the one being tested today. 

Eggsy looks perfectly calm; if he's nervous, he hides it well. He's been instructed to lead Harry through the course on his own. No asking for help. No guidance from Merlin over the glasses. Nothing but his own skills and wit.

It's Harry's job to play the innocent civilian, the helpless baggage towed along behind an agent already under pressure. To that end he doesn't actively impede Eggsy's progress through the course like a frightened civilian might, even unintentionally. Nor does he flit about in a panic or physically clutch at Eggsy, again as has been known to happen. But he offers no suggestions, does nothing to help himself, and in general proves utterly useless. 

The first room was a classic scenario: locked doors and gas entering through vents near the ceiling. The gas wasn't fatal, of course, but it had been real all the same. Harry had felt on the verge of unconsciousness before Eggsy managed to get the door open and hauled him into the fresh air of the hallway beyond.

But Eggsy got them out. And Harry is proud of him. He has no doubts that Eggsy will finish the entire obstacle course with ease. 

The next door stands before them, offering no hint of what lies beyond. Eggsy glances at him. "Ready?"

Harry nods impassively. 

The door is locked. Eggsy picks the lock and cautiously pushes the door open. He motions for Harry to wait, then slips inside.

"Oh fuck," Eggsy says. There is a pause, then he pops his head out into the hall. "It's okay. Come on in."

Harry walks in. As he does, the door behind him swings shut on its own. The lock clicks into place.

The room itself is empty except for a table standing in the middle of the floor. Sitting atop it, taking up the entire surface, is a bomb.

Harry sizes it up with a single glance. He's used to defusing bombs, but this is new for Eggsy. If this were a normal lesson, Harry would walk him through the process, step by step. But today is different. Today he isn't allowed to help or offer advice. 

Eggsy swallows hard, but he gets started right away. He moves carefully but quickly, and all the while the timer keeps ticking down. As the numbers continue to descend, he gets more flustered and sweat beads his brow. At last he stops working altogether and just stares down at the bomb, trying to sort it out in his head.

Harry clasps his hands behind his back and reminds himself that he isn't permitted to help. He knows he's failing Eggsy by not babbling in panic like a civilian would be right about now, adding a touch of realism to the scenario. _Oh shit, oh shit, can you stop it, what are we going to do?_ But he can't bring himself to add to Eggsy's stress, even if that is the whole reason he's here.

Eggsy finally stops studying the bomb and makes up his mind. He reaches for a wire to cut. It's the wrong one, though, and Harry has to clench his jaw to remain silent.

He shouldn't have agreed to participate, he knows that now. He should have declined, citing a conflict of interest. Eggsy would be better served if Percival were here, or maybe Tristan, who always enjoys a chance for some theatrics.

Eggsy cuts the wire. The bomb emits a shrill beep, and the numbers on the timer speed up, moving so rapidly now they blur together. The beeping continues, accelerating a little more with each passing second. "Oh, fuck," Eggsy breathes.

Instinctively Harry tenses up and takes a step back. In keeping with the realism of each scenario, he guesses the bomb will "explode" with a flash of bright light and a very loud bang. Nothing that could injure anyone, of course, but enough to drive the point home: you failed.

The beeping is almost a steady wailing now. Eggsy turns around to look at Harry. His eyes are wide, his mouth drawn down. "I'm sorry," he says. "I'm so sorry." He lunges forward, and Harry is so shocked that he's barely started to raise a hand to defend himself before he lands on the floor. 

Stunned and a little out of breath, he looks up in time to see Eggsy throw himself on top of the bomb.

It all happens so fast there isn't even time to cry out. He feels the sickening plunge of cold horror in his chest, the white scream of denial blotting out all other thoughts in his brain, and then the bomb detonates.

The explosion is exactly what he expected. A brilliant flash of light, a thunderous crack of sound. For an eternal moment that's all there is, the light and the noise.

And the horrible knowledge that once again, someone has sacrificed themselves for him.

He's on his feet before his ears stop ringing, before he can see much beyond a white burst of light pulsating in front of his eyes. "What were you thinking?" he shouts, but his voice sounds muffled, as though he were standing far away and yelling through a tube.

Eggsy is just now straightening up from where he was draped across the table. He looks dazed; being closer to the bomb, he will need more time to recover. He blinks rapidly, trying to clear his sight. He obviously didn't hear Harry's shout.

Harry stares at him, his heart pounding so hard it hurts. He's torn between a wild rage and suffocating terror. He can't believe what he's just witnessed. Never mind that it wasn't real. Eggsy, his beloved Eggsy, would have given his life in order to save him.

It's Lee all over again, and Harry knows damn well that Eggsy is fully aware of that fact, that from the moment he entered this room Lee was on his mind, adding to his stress over the whole situation.

Their eyes meet, and this time Eggsy is able to hold his gaze; he must be able to see clearly again. He looks Harry up and down. "You okay?"

He's fine. A couple bruises, maybe, where he hit the floor, but even that is doubtful. No, his pain is all inside, a furious blend of emotion he can't even begin to comprehend. All he knows is that if this were real, Eggsy would be dead right now.

And that is something Harry cannot, will not, accept.

Eggsy takes a step toward him. "Harry?" He sounds anxious now. "Are you okay?" He looks again, checking for any signs of injury.

He has to respond. He has to.

"I'm fine," he manages. He thinks he might be two seconds away from leaning over and being violently sick. Every time he blinks, in that moment when his eyes are closed, he sees it all over again, the way Eggsy threw himself atop the bomb, trying to contain the blast with nothing but his own body. Trying to protect Harry.

Trying to save him.

 _Don't you ever do that again!_ He can feel the words crowding in his throat. He wants very badly to say them. No, fuck that. He wants to _shout_ them, even see Eggsy recoil a little as he realises what he did.

"I'm sorry," Eggsy says. "I fucked up."

Harry stares at him.

But how can he chastise Eggsy for doing what he would have done himself? What he still wishes he had done eighteen years ago? After all, Eggsy was only doing what he has been trained to do, what he believed was right.

And far more important, Harry knows he can't hold Eggsy's courage against him. Not when that courage is part of the reason he loves Eggsy so much. Not when what he just saw is proof of how much Eggsy loves him in return.

"Next time you won't," he says, and it's all right then. He can breathe again, the tightness in his chest slowly loosening up. He doesn't feel like he's going to shout anymore, or be sick, or do any of the horrible things that flashed through his mind in those first few terrible moments after it happened.

Eggsy blinks, then nods. He glances around at the bomb still sitting on the table, the timer frozen at zero. "Can I try again?"

"Not today," he says. Maybe Eggsy can handle it, but Harry cannot. He is done with the training course, with all of Kingsman today. His anger is all but gone, but the terror is slower to leave, lingering deep in his bones, reminding him that someday he really _might_ lose Eggsy.

All he wants now is to take Eggsy out of here. He doesn't want to go anywhere else; he just wants to come home to the house they share in Stanhope Mews. He wants to be alone with Eggsy, no one watching as he takes Eggsy in his arms and holds him close. He wants to be able to kiss Eggsy's lips and whisper against his skin the words he can't speak aloud just yet.

_Don't leave me. Please don't ever leave me._

"Okay," Eggsy says. He sighs. "Shit."

He looks so despondent over his failure that Harry can't stand back any longer. Regardless of who is watching, he closes the distance between them. He sets his hand on Eggsy's shoulder. "You did just fine," he says. "I'm very proud of you."

Eggsy looks a little heartened by that, but he sounds sceptical as he says, "Yeah?"

"Yes," Harry says. "Very much so."

For a moment he thinks Eggsy will deny this, but then the troubled look leaves his eyes. "Then can we get the fuck out of here?"

"Absolutely," Harry says.

But before he turns to go, he slides his hand off Eggsy's shoulder and around to his back. He moves in closer still and presses a kiss to Eggsy's temple. "I love you," he says quietly.

Startled, Eggsy doesn't move, like he's unsure how to react at first.

Behind them the door opens, inviting them to walk out.

The motion seems to break the spell. Eggsy shivers a little and hugs him tight. "I couldn't let nothing happen to you," he whispers.

"I know," Harry says. He holds Eggsy close. "I know."


End file.
